Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off a portion of one’s being, but by integration of the contraries

CARL JUNG

Changing times are like sand dunes which keep changing their shape as the wind passes by. I say it with a pinch of salt when I say that we are most aware of it when we see white hair appearing on receding hairline. Kids growing up, parents getting older and we are somewhere in between.

I personally feel we are a cusp generation simply cause the life and times of our parents are so diametrically different from those of our children. While we understand the joint family culture our parents grew up in, our children growing up in a nuclear family (mostly single child)  simply cannot comprehend that kind of life.

We are the generation that started with Doordarshan (the only tv network India had in 70s and 80s) and has reached Netflix. We have seen a time when going out for dinner was more or less unheard off to a time when weekend dining is a norm. From strict rules regarding every aspect of life to a life where we make our rules according to our comfort. It’s not a question of which is right or wrong or which is better. It’s just an observation of how in a single lifetime we have transcended a phenomenal change so silently. We are a live example of the changing times.

While I am posting this article in my kitchen a very beautiful preparation for the new year is happening. Here is my daughter baking plum cake ( she wanted to cut one at new year midnight) and here is her granny preparing early for Sankranti (a hindu harvesting festival celebrated in early january). Need I say more about changing times?

The duality

We live in duality day in and day out. Engaging with our parents and children within the same time frame is a classic example. When my mother says don’t talk for too long on phone and waste time I understand it, when my children discuss homework on phone at length or keep zoom meetings to discuss projects I understand that too. Sometimes we are thrown back in time when we see old pics those small black and white ones. They are still dear to me unlike the filter-generated sepia-toned pictures. Sometimes I wonder nothing is real anymore.

A recent visit to my native place took me back to my childhood. Simple joys of just plucking fruit and eating without thinking of pesticide, drinking water from the handpumps at the roadside (they still exist albeit non-functional), walking long distances unmindful of the time to commute. It never occurred to us as kids to even question it, even though we were living in city and visited our village only in summer holidays. Will my children relate to these experiences? Can  I expect my children to enjoy these pleasures? I doubt it very much. They are born and raised in a different era.

Changing times for better or………..

While it’s true that our external world has changed phenomenally, that life has become easier, faster, and more comfortable in so many ways. But it certainly stands to question if it has become better. Are we happier, healthier, and more at peace than our parents? I guess the answer would be no. Our pay packages cannot buy us any of these.

 Our parents more or less worked their entire life in one job saved every paisa that they could, and tried their best to give a good education to children while at all times working within the framework of society, relatives, and joint family demands. Repair was the rule for broken items, recycling for old items, and every new furniture or electronic item was bought with much diligence and fanfare.

Even a simple vanilla ice cream slab was very dutifully cut in equal portions and distributed. And those used to highlight of our lives as kids. New clothes were reserved for twice-a-year events and hand-me-downs from siblings to distant cousins were normal. I blissfully was unaware of anything called indoor sports. Antaakshri was reserved for power outage nights or long train journeys. Each and every sweater I had ever worn was knitted by my mom, there was always only 1 pair of footwear for every member and you certainly gave up your bed if guests came to stay over. Phew, the list is endless. Our schools, our postcards, our wall calendars, our TV antennas, our radio, our summer terrace with jarred pickles, our neighbors, our tea biscuits., our simple festivals, all are preserved in the sands of time.

The generation divide

I wish I could but show a glimpse of that to my children. A generation that seeks every answer on google, which knows the latest gadget and are darn good with technology, whose romance with new stuff gets over in 24hrs or who doesn’t think twice in discarding things which they don’t like the taste or looks of. I am certainly not saying they are frivolous; most parents do try to inculcate in them the value of money but let’s accept it they have never been hit with a scale or a stick. Patience is certainly not their strong point. The tik tok generation which enjoys t20 matches, can they go through watching a test match. Each generation with its culture has its own plus points and drawbacks. All cultures grow around the circumstances existing at that point of time.

THE BALANCING ACT

Having 2 kids, I know firsthand that this generation of kids has their own struggles, their own social pressures, and their own worldview.  But if anything we need to tell them that while the external world might change the internal values mustn’t. That it can be never cool to raise voice in front of elders. That most good things in life are worth waiting for. That hard work and perseverance still is the corner stone for success. That no matter how delectable the dish looks in an edited photo its final test is the taste.

Covid did teach us to introspect and put brakes on our fast pace life. So many of us turned to simple marriage ceremonies, enjoyed cooking at home, and taught kids how to sweep and mop. There is a place and time for everything. If we who appreciate the culture of the past and understand the need of the present can teach our kids to balance out their everchanging external world with rock-solid internal values we would have done a good job. I guess you will agree when I say..

“FILTER COFFEE STILL RETAINS ITS TASTE IN THE WORLD OF STARBUCKS”.  

So if you relate to this article in any way at all why dont you share your opnion or your childhood memory which still retains its special place in your memory in comment section. I would love to hear from you.

Happy 2023 everyone